Sunday, February 17, 2008

BIS 2.17.08: Dumb Animals

If we women want the men in our lives to start behaving properly, we need to treat you all like the dumb animals you are.

At least according to a new book called “What Shamu Taught Me About Life, Love, and Marriage”.

Author Amy Sutherland spent a year at an animal training school learning that she could use the same techniques trainers use to coax a seal to balance a ball on its nose to train her husband to pick his socks up off the floor.

Following in the theoretical footsteps of B.F. Skinner and his pigeons, and Pavlov and his dogs, Sutherland proposes that human behavior is equally affected by its consequences. By ignoring her husband’s negative traits and offering rewards for positive behavior, she claims she was able to retrain her husband from a clueless oaf into a – still clueless, but tidier oaf.

Critics of this strategy aren’t fond of the manipulation, nor the concept that men are as dim and malleable as beasts. It also bears noting that these tactics do little to combat the stereotype of the covert woman using her feminine wiles to con hapless males in the battle of the sexes.

But honestly, why aren’t men capable of remembering the simplest of household requests without yelling, threats, and intimidation? If we women choose reward over nagging to achieve the desired improvements, will it not lead to happier domiciles?

So for ladies listening, try these animal training tips at home:

If your mate does any helpful little thing without being asked, praise him like a toddler.

Ignore the negatives and don’t nag. Trainers call this Least Reinforcing Scenario.

Distract him from behavior that annoys you, such as hovering over you while you work on something, by creating a diversion – like food – in another part of the house.

And never admit to what you’re doing. The animals don’t need to know just how dumb we think they are.

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