OMG I <3 The Misfits soooooo much!!!

He's bringing sexy back for reals!

Is Your Hobby or Pastime Cause for Alarm?

I spent all day yesterday in New York City at the WFMU Record Fair where my boyfriend was trading antiquated vinyl slabs with music enthusiasts the world over. After researching gatherings such as this, and the Renaissance Faire, the Star Trek auction, comic conventions, Chiller Theatre, and the fanaticism these fringes of society attract, I’ve been inspired to ask the following question:

Is your obsession becoming a problem?

I have constructed a unique mathematical equation in the form of a survey that can determine if your hobby or pastime has moved beyond “enthusiast” and into the realm of “obsessive compulsive”. This test can be used to diagnose an unhealthy level of devotion in individuals, as well as indicate where on the general scale of dorkdom your particular interest falls.

This highly effective equation can determine the OCD danger levels in any of the following: Comic collectors, bloggers, record nerds, film students, Larpers, dungeon masters, Yankees fans, born again Christians, anglophiles, Trekkies, Freemasons, rock collectors, cyberpunks, Puerto Rican Vampires, and geeks, nerds, and dorks of every variety.


1. How many hours per week do you spend pursuing your hobby?

A few on the weekend? +10 points
All day Sunday plus any free time you have during the week? +25 points
Only the ones you’re awake for? +50 points


2. How much money do you spend on your hobby?

More than you probably should? +10 points
More than you care to admit? +50 points
More than food? +100 points


3. How much physical space does your hobby take up?

A separate room in your house? +50 points
A separate wing? +100 points
A separate house? +500 points


4. Does your hobby require you to learn:

A second language? +50 points
A dead language? +100 points
A made-up language? +500 points


5. While enjoying your hobby, do you wear a special wardrobe?

Yes, but it also passes for regular street clothes. +10 points
Yes, and it’s one that shouldn’t be worn to the grocery store. +50 points
Do you wear it to the grocery store anyway? +100 points


6. How far have you traveled to pursue your hobby?

Other states? +50 points
Other countries? +100 points
Other dimensions? +500 points


7. Does your hobby require you to purchase any special equipment without which it wouldn’t exist?

An electronic system of some sort (computer, gaming system, stereo, etc.)
+50 points
A 20-sided die? +100 points
Fangs and spooky contact lenses? +1000 points


8. Does your hobby require you to purchase any of the following items:

Extra shelving? +50 points
Mylar or UV protective glass? +100 points
Lucite and a third-party grader? +300 points


9. Have you ever said any of the following sentences:

“Is this pressing in mono or stereo?” +50 points
“Does this tunic make me look fat?” +100 points
“Help me paint these numbers on my enormous gut.” +200 points


10. How does your significant other feel about your hobby?

We enjoy it together. +10 points
They tolerate it at best. +50 points
My mom says I’m special. +1000 points


Now tally your points to find out where your particular obsession falls on the following scale:



50-200 points. Garden Variety Slacker.
The highest functioning of the nerds. Not quite in danger, but not quite normal either. You can hold down a job.


200-350 points. Substantial Subculture Supporter.
You have a tendency to drone on and on about your particular interest, but you do have some friends who will listen. Your personal hygiene could use some attention.


350-500 points. Full-time Left of Centerist.
You spend a lot of time pouring over catalogs that no one else subscribes to. "Loser" might be too strong a word, but "Winner" doesn't quite fit either.


500-750 points. King Retard.
You're in serious danger of dropping out of society completely. People stare at you and you should probably be medicated.


750+ points. 5th Level Paladin with +2 Longsword.
You do not exist in society as we know it. Even you know you're out of control, but you're powerless to stop yourself. You subscribe to several newsgroups and have user names on multiple message boards. You might need to be institutionalized. Seek help.