BIS 2.17.08: Dumb Animals

If we women want the men in our lives to start behaving properly, we need to treat you all like the dumb animals you are.

At least according to a new book called “What Shamu Taught Me About Life, Love, and Marriage”.

Author Amy Sutherland spent a year at an animal training school learning that she could use the same techniques trainers use to coax a seal to balance a ball on its nose to train her husband to pick his socks up off the floor.

Following in the theoretical footsteps of B.F. Skinner and his pigeons, and Pavlov and his dogs, Sutherland proposes that human behavior is equally affected by its consequences. By ignoring her husband’s negative traits and offering rewards for positive behavior, she claims she was able to retrain her husband from a clueless oaf into a – still clueless, but tidier oaf.

Critics of this strategy aren’t fond of the manipulation, nor the concept that men are as dim and malleable as beasts. It also bears noting that these tactics do little to combat the stereotype of the covert woman using her feminine wiles to con hapless males in the battle of the sexes.

But honestly, why aren’t men capable of remembering the simplest of household requests without yelling, threats, and intimidation? If we women choose reward over nagging to achieve the desired improvements, will it not lead to happier domiciles?

So for ladies listening, try these animal training tips at home:

If your mate does any helpful little thing without being asked, praise him like a toddler.

Ignore the negatives and don’t nag. Trainers call this Least Reinforcing Scenario.

Distract him from behavior that annoys you, such as hovering over you while you work on something, by creating a diversion – like food – in another part of the house.

And never admit to what you’re doing. The animals don’t need to know just how dumb we think they are.

Bad Roommates

Most of us have had a bad roommate situation in our lives, some of us have even been the bad roommate. But how hostile does a situation have to be for your roommate to let you die on the living room sofa and rot there for 7 or 8 years.

Neighbors complained of the smell emanating from the Bristol UK apartment for years, but assumed that the odd man who lived inside simply suffered from poor hygiene. When a cleaning crew was finally called into the building to tackle the odor, they were shocked to find the source to be a rotting corpse.

The 70-something year old man appeared to have died of natural causes, and his roommate, also in his 70s just went on with his daily routine, leaving the body to decompose, reporting the death to no one. He continued to live in the apartment with the corpse of his roommate for the next 8 years.

When I was 18, I had a roommate who soaked her panties in the kitchen sink. I’d go to wash a dish or get a glass of water, and the sink would be full of dirty undies. If it sounds sexy, it’s not, it’s disgusting. I told her she was gross and she threatened to punch me. Then we got in a knock-down, drag-out fight and she had to move out. Oh, yeah…we were also naked. Okay, maybe it was a little sexy.

For Best in Show Radio News, I’m Vanessa Cheatwood.

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BIS 2.10.08: Fetishes

I love you guys, but I’m not sure that any of you are normal. Food, drugs, psychiatric disorders…when we scratch the surface of Best in Show, we’re likely to find some idiosyncratic behavior. Although I can’t speak from any personal experience about the sexual deviances of my radio friends, I’m pretty sure at least a couple of you are serious sexual wackos. To test this theory, I’d like to talk about the Top 10 sexual fetishes as defined in surveys conducted recently by popular men’s magazines to see if you guys match up with other, y’know more normal type guys…or if you’ll admit to having sexual fetishes that are beyond the pale.

As reported by askmen.com, here are the Top 10 sexual fetishes:

10. A flat stomach. Men and women both fantasize about flat stomachs.

9. Body piercings, specifically tongue piercings.

8. The “bad girl” look involving leather, rubber, latex, or vinyl.

7. Domination and submission. Predominantly women dominating and men submitting.

6. Feet and hands. Men like feet, women like hands.

5. Painted fingernails and lipstick on women, red being a color of choice.

4. Braids, ponytails, and pigtails. Men are favoring these younger looks for women’s hair, and Keith will be excited to hear that women actually have fetishes involving bald men.

3. Water. Showers, rain, bathtubs.

2. Golden Showers. I’m going to pause here for effect. The #2 male sexual fetish is a golden shower, giving or receiving. I’m talking about PEE!

1. Voyeurism and exhibitionism. Everyone wants to be dirty, rotten peeper or to be dirty, rotten peeped.


There are some things on this list that surprise me, -- I’m talking about PEE! -- and some things I expected to see that are missing, but I’m really interested in hearing how the 4 of you interpret the popular kinks.

For Sexy Best in Show Radio News, I’m Vanessa Cheatwood.

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